Self-Care Tools to Survive the Not-So-Merry Holidays

holidays sobriety stress Nov 09, 2017

Bells are ringing, chestnuts are roasting, and Santa’s on his way, and you smile to all passersby, saying “Happy holidays” when really you want to vomit up fruitcake.

The holidays can be so stressful. The shopping, traffic, lines at the stores, events at work and school can turn the Hallmark holiday into Hallmark hell. The feeling of loneliness can trigger the dis-ease if you sit home by yourself romanticize the holiday; thinking everyone is having the picture perfect holiday without you. And to top it off, there is alcohol everywhere you look.

I got sober November 13, 1999. I was separated from my then husband. Our children were two, five, and eight years old. Within the next six weeks, I had to face Thanksgiving, my daughter’s birthday, my son’s birthday, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and the new millennium! I prayed that the holidays would just be over with. "How the hell am I not going to drink through all of this?" I wondered. In the end, I did stay sober through this first holiday season by taking it one day at a time, just like every other day I was sober. Actually most days were one hour at a time.

For many, one of the most difficult places during the holidays can be at home. I once saw a bumper sticker which read, “Good news: The holidays are about family. Bad news: It’s your own family.

Well, I got through the holidays and getting sober was the best gift I ever gave my children, my family, and myself. The greatest gift my children have given to me over the years was to thank me in their own way, for giving them a sober mom!

Helpful Holiday Tips

Here are some tips I’ve found most helpful for surviving holiday gatherings without drinking, using, or going loco.

1. Put your sobriety first. Do what you need to do to stay sane and sober. Call other sober people and go to lots of recovery meetings.

2. Don’t put unreasonable expectations on yourself. Remember: Keep It Simple!

3. Practice an attitude of gratitude. Be thankful for the small things: that you woke up sober, that you have another day to experience the grace of being a new you. Today you are part of the solution instead of part of the problem.

4. Practice a spirit of giving. Do a good deed without getting found out: volunteer at a homeless shelter or an elderly care center, adopt a family and bring them food and gifts.
Remember, it’s just another day. Root for midnight, go to bed, and tell yourself you can drink tomorrow. My experience tells me you will wake up grateful you did not drink yesterday.

Wishing you and your family a wonderful SOBER holiday.

Remember to take real good care of yourself!


(Excerpted from my book, A Sober Mom's Guide to Recovery (Hazelden 2015)

I'd love your thoughts, ideas and comments below.


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